‘Dosti’ as a concept has always been a constant in every Indian’s life. Why, you ask? Well, because we grew up with the idea of Jay-Veeru, Bade miya-Chhote miya, etc. Of course not having any friends while growing up in one place is next to impossible. But now that you are in a new place with an all-new set of people around you, you might wonder – “how to connect with new people?”.
As a desi on videsi soil, you now have many more opportunities than you did back in India. But by travelling halfway around the world, you have also lost some of the vital things in life. One of these is the constant ‘physical’ and maybe even some emotional presence of your ‘friends.’ Then there is the issue of not feeling any sort of connection in your new home. Now, this might be a problem that we can help you battle.
You see, Rahul, your weird eye-winking and “swaggy” mannerisms might freak people out more than they would make new friends for you.
This is because, as much as you deny it, America has a culture entirely different from that of India. So it is natural that people here would interact and make relationships differently than they do back home. Considering that you just landed in a whole new world (wink – Aladdin), you will need a “saathi” to feel at home and maybe even to share and talk to. While this might be difficult, and not everyone might know how to do it, especially our sweet little introverts, we are here to help you. We bring tips and tricks that might help you connect with others in your new home and even make new friends. So what are you waiting for? Christmas? Scroll and read the article, Rahul!
Why Do You Need To Make Connections/Friends In A New Place?
Seriously Anjali?! Fine, we’ll pretend to be your mom and dad and tell you that friends make things easier. They help you understand the world around you better. In your case, a new connection with someone already living in the US will help you better understand the ins and outs of life in the States.
1. Understand the US life better
Having someone who knows the whats and the hows of living in the US will be a big boon for you. Yes, you can find almost everything you need on the internet. But Google might not be able to tell you which back-alley connects to your college’s bus stop or which office colleague is the worst-secret keeper. You need someone from the US, preferably in your work/college settings, to tell you that.
2. Feel A Bit At Home Away From Home
Reading the sentence might have given you a headache, but it is true. Friends and connections help you settle into a new place and city faster. They might even become some of the ‘comforting faces’ you think about to feel less lonely. And this ‘thinking’ is what we meant by ‘feeling a bit at home away from home.
3. A Friend/Connection In Need, Is A Friend/Connection In Deed –
Do we even need to explain this? A connection is the first person who can help you in a place where your parents and relatives are hours away on another continent. They are the ones who might help you with sickness and also with health!
Yes, Rahul, we know you are excited to make new connections and turn them into friends. We also know you are worried and thinking about how to connect with new people in such a new place where all you have is Ganpati Bappa’s aashirwaad and your own free will. Okay, Let’s get to it then!
Hints & Ways To Connect With Others & Get Your Own Jays & Veerus
As a person who just landed in the US, we know it will be crazy to go around distributing his and hellos and hoping to make a friend. No, Anjali, don’t do that! It’ll make you look crazy!
So, how do you connect with new people in the ‘Land of the Free’? Luckily, we might have a few tips and tricks and ways to help you thrive in your socialisation process.
1. Communicate Openly
Expecting someone to come and talk to you as soon as you step foot on US soil would come under the category of delusion. Let’s face it – as a new entry into a foreign state, you need to be the one to initial things. Simply put, you need to put forward the “dosti-ka-haath.” This doesn’t mean literally shaking hands, Rahul. It is more about communicating with anyone and everyone that you can. A simple ‘hello’ would go a long way. Of course, then you can follow it with a customary ‘How’s your day going today?’ or ‘How’ve you been?’. This is one way to start a simple communication with a friendly stranger. Of course, once you start doing this habitually, the said stranger might even become a friend.
Another great tip is to talk to as many Americans as possible. We understand it may be easier to talk to a fellow desi than an American, as our Indian yaars will be able to understand the ‘accent’ and the jokes more. However, making a conscious effort to talk with more Americans and people different from your culture is important to forming useful connections.
2. Starting with people in the same boat as you
It is rightly said that trauma is sometimes a big bonding experience for people. Now, we are not saying that moving to America is a trauma. No! We mean that it is an experience many immigrants like you are also going through. So, in the quest to understand how to connect with new people from the Bald Eagle’s country, why don’t you start with these people?
Now, now. We don’t mean that you should also look for Sharma ji ka beta, who also travelled from Delhi to New York.
In fact, why would you want to do that when he was the same one mumma and papa always compared you with?! We are trying to say that you could always start your ‘Great American socialization Journey’ by trying to be friends with your roommate or even people in your office/college classes. Since you meet them regularly, connecting with them will be easy. You can always start by asking them work/class-related questions, and if you feel the other person reciprocates, then take things from there.
Remember, the brunt of the ‘connection-forming’ will be on you since you need the feeling of connectivity and not them. But that doesn’t mean you need to take stress. On the contrary, think of this as a process where you can filter out who you want in your circle and who you don’t.
3. Attend social and professional events (live your Gossip Girl dreams)
As someone new to America, there is almost a 99% chance that you don’t know the people whom you work with or attend your classes with. So, if you ever get an invitation to attend a social gathering or a professional event, GRAB IT & ATTEND IT! That came out aggressive, but still, GRAB IT & ATTEND IT!
Glad you asked why we are so aggressively promoting attending these events. It is because there will be many people there. Attending such events will help you meet and talk to people you might not do so on your own on any regular day. In fact, if these people are in the same place and event as you, then there might be something that you might have in common with them that can be used to bridge the gap and start a conversation. You can always attend free seminars and workshops you like, as they have people with the same preferences and choices.
From the point of view of a longer future, attending such events is an important part of networking. Networking is the process of connecting with people and building relationships. This will benefit you professionally because you never know when James from HR might nominate you for a higher managerial position. After all, he enjoys having intellectual conversations with you.
4. Visiting nearby religious places and gatherings
As an Indian, our culture and spiritual beliefs have always been important to us. Whether reciting Hanuman Chalisa after watching a horror movie or even singing along to the religious songs and hymns with our grandparents, you did it all. So why not take comfort in all of this again?
Many NRIs make conscious efforts to be close to their religion as well as explore it more. So if you want to start building your social life from a relatively familiar and comfortable place, you could always visit your nearest temple, mosque, gurudwara (whatever you prefer). Places like these have a comforting aura for every soul, and we bet you could always make friends with some neighbourhood aunties and uncles. If you are lucky, you could also meet some desi youngsters here as well.
Another suggestion is to attend any religious festivals or events that might be happening around you. Many people participate in such events with their families, so the chances of meeting more people from your age group will be high in such places!
5. Don’t hesitate to ask for help
A great conversation starter is just the words, ‘Hey, can you help me with this little thing?’. You can still ask for it even if the item is not small. But why are we including it in the list of ‘how to connect with new people?’…. Man….fine, we’ll start from the very beginning. Remember when we told you to communicate openly? Asking for help is a part of open communication.
When you ask an American for help, they are likely to help you and try to have a normal conversation with you as well. This is a great way to establish a possible new connection. Not to brag, but you can also add it to the list of ‘top 5 ways to connect with others’ (did you notice that this was indeed the 5th point in our list? Yup, we are sneaky that way.).
Sure, you could ask your fellow desi companions for help as well. But we urge you to also ask other Americans around you if there are no swadesi around you. Worse comes worse, they might deny help. But if they don’t, lo and behold, you might have made a new friend.
6. Volunteer wherever and whenever you can
Americans are often big on giving back to the community. Many students and even working professionals do so through volunteering. This could also be a great place to meet new people and get a sense of community involvement.
We know that volunteering sounds boring, Anjali. But it doesn’t mean that it might not turn out to be more fun than you thought. Go to your local animal shelter or volunteer in your nearest soup kitchen. Even working in some church’s kitchens might help. The goal is to meet more people and connect with as many of them as possible.
In fact, you can join the various societies or clubs your college offers (not all clubs mean disco, drinks and dancing, Rahul!)
The American school system and the populace love promoting their students’ interests. So joining a local book club or your college’s drama society will help you meet more people with similar interests as yours. How might this help you to connect with new people? Well, you might start with the fact that people will have the same interests as you in such places. Even if they don’t, you can have a great time volunteering.
7. Research (what Americans mean by connections and friends)
We wanted to keep the title a bit professional, so we left research out of the bracket. Sue us. Kidding, but only about the suing part. The great thing about being born in the internet age is that there are tons of material to give you information on almost everything. And just like everything else, you can also research a bit about making friends online.
Researching here would mean understanding what a friend and a connection mean according to the American culture. You can also learn about the expectations of Americans from their friends or even colleagues. While this might sound like a very nerdy thing, researching would actually help you in not jump into socialization mindlessly. You will be able to understand at least some of the dos and don’ts of making friends. And if you can’t, our articles are always there to help.
8. Joining Facebook Groups
While we are on the topic of research, we have a small piece of advice for you. Luckily, the advice is an antithesis of what your parents have told you. The advice is to ‘use more social media’ or, instead, ‘use more Facebook.’ Before you come at us, Rahul, we know Facebook isn’t very popular among the Indian Genz. But it is still in use in the US. It will help find other desis who are living in the US.
Let’s have a fun computer science lesson to explain this point. Facebook has an option for its users to join various groups, and this is where the answer to ‘how to connect with new people’ comes in. There are many Facebook groups with Indian expats and NRIs that you could join. You could build some great connections in these groups. And even if you don’t, such groups always have great and authentic information and advice for fellow expats and desis.
9. Finding Commonalities & Even Trying To Be A Copy-cat
This is the day and age of globalisation. So, almost everyone knows about some great tv shows and movies around the world. Everyone knows a lot about American mainstream media, but lately, there has also been an influx of other films and TV shows that people love. One such example is the growing popularity of Korean dramas, movies and music. Yes, BTS and the descendants of the sun are a part of the list, girl!
A great thing about being a 25-year-old with social media is that you might also be familiar with such things. So, try to get to know the interests of the people around you. When you learn these things, see if you like them; if you do, you are golden. A basic translation of the prior statement – if you find out someone likes a tv show, go home and watch it. If you like it, you can discuss the plot lines and the characters with that person and become friends with them. This might be one of the easiest items on the ‘how to connect with new people’ list!
Did You Know There Are Apps That Can Help You Meet People & Make Friends?
You already know about dating apps. (Don’t you dare deny that you know about Tinder, hinge, and Bumble, Rahul! Because then you would be a cheater!)
But did you know that there are also apps that can help you find, meet and become friends with people?
It’s okay if you didn’t know because we are here to announce some of them. Blindmeet and MeetUp are two such apps. You can meet new people on these apps, and they have a ‘make new friends’ feature. This is especially helpful for people who have just shifted because they can find more people on the apps looking to make friends! A few dating apps like Bumble also have the same feature. In fact, if you want to try and ‘practice’ your socialization skills, then you can go ahead and do so on these apps.
To Conclude – Life Might Be Giving You Lemons (Shifting To A New Place), But You Can Always Make Limca (New Friends)
You are in a new place and have the opportunity to pick and choose your friends, which we don’t think you had the chance to do back in India. But you are also in a new place where you can’t choose to be picky. What a conundrum!
But we can be your Shaktiman or Tony Stark (since we are also talking in American terms) and help you a little if you are wondering how to connect with new people. Some tips, like being more outgoing, trying to find common interests, and just talking to anyone you can, will help you a lot! Of course, you could also try other things you can think of.
A parting tip from us is to not limit yourself to your fellow desi immigrants for interactions. Talk with everyone, and who knows, you might make a videsi pal for life?
